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A Recipe for "Real ♥ Love"
By Susan Jeffers
Approved by ETs Best Radio
Over the years, I've tested many, many recipes for creating Real Love. And it definitely was worth all the effort.
Ultimately, I discovered that without certain essential ingredients, it is very hard, if not impossible, for Real Love to
exist. Trust me when I tell you that you are missing the "love-boat" if you are not working to include these beautiful
ingredients in your relationship. Having missed the love-boat a number of times myself, I know what I am talking about.
Thankfully, I finally climbed aboard. You can too.
First, what is Real Love? Too many of us have no idea. That's because we in Western society have constantly been
fed misleading pictures of what Real Love actually looks like. For example, there is the "myth" of "love at first sight".
Let's look at it logically: How can you love someone when you don't even know them? That "stranger across a
crowded room" could be someone you should definitely avoid.
Over the years, I have come to call this kind of love "enchanted love". Indeed, enchantment can be defined as a spell
that comes over us. And that's exactly what seems to happen when we experience love at first sight. It is mystical,
exciting, passionate and delicious...BUT...it is not Real Love. Ultimately the spell wears off (and it always wears off)
and reality sets in. It is at this time that many decide to end the relationship. Others decide it is worth the effort to move
forward with the relationship. It is only then that the journey to Real Love truly can begin.
And sometimes Real Love actually is created by a couple who had no romantic interest in each other in the beginning.
As time passes and the inner beauty of each party is revealed to each other, a romantic interest is spurred and again the
journey to Real Love begins.
One of the most important parts of the journey is to learn and embrace the essential ingredients of Real Love. Without
focusing on these ingredients, it is doubtful that Real Love can become a reality. In my newest book, The Feel the
Fear Guide to Lasting Love, I talk about what I consider to be the essential ingredients of Real Love. Here is just a
taste of this wonderful recipe:
VALIDATION:
Real Love can't exist in an environment of negative judgment and put downs. Nothing feeds a feeling of love more than
making our mate feel good about him or herself.
RESPONSIBILITY:
Real Love can't exist when we blame our mate for our unhappiness. My favorite tool for living a powerful life is to
pick up the mirror instead of the magnifying glass. When we pick up the magnifying glass, we are into blame. Weak!
Weak! Weak! When we pick up the mirror, we are filled with self-awareness which gives us the power to change what
isn't working. As a result our resentment and anger disappear, and love is allowed to thrive. That's powerful!
APPRECIATION:
Real Love can't exist in the absence of "Thank Yous". First we have to notice the gifts our mate brings into our lives
instead of focusing on all the negativity. (Why would we want to fill our heads with negativity instead of a feeling of
abundance?) Then after noticing, we have to express our thanks. What a warm and wonderful feeling for both parties
when thanks are expressed!
A RESPECT BASED ON THE HUMANNESS OF OUR PARTNERS:
Real Love can't exist with fairy-tale expectations. As I explained, it is when the original feeling of bliss (which isn't
Real Love) is over that the journey to Real Love begins. And as we train ourselves to focus on what I call our Higher
Purpose, that of becoming a more loving person, we are able to push through our negative habits and emerge as strong
and caring human beings. In this way, step-by-step, our love can grow...and grow...and grow.
COMMITMENT:
Real Love can't exist when one foot is out the door. When we are in a relationship, we should be there 100%. This
doesn't mean we have to stay there forever if circumstances tell us it is time to leave, but while we are there...give it
everything you've got.
AN OPEN HEART:
Real Love can't exist when we shut the door to the beauty that lies within our being...and theirs. Fear often causes us
to close our hearts. We need to learn how to push through the fear, knowing we can handle whatever happens. Say to
yourself over and over again, "Whatever happens, I'll handle it." When we have this important knowing, we become
"safely vulnerable" allowing our heart to open.
ALONE-TIME TOGETHER:
Real Love requires sacred time to focus on and appreciate the beauty of each other. Life too often steps in and
interferes with the closeness needed for love to flourish. Two big barriers to closeness are children and work. We have
to get very creative and find our way to beautiful moments alone together.
COMMUNICATION:
Real Love requires that we connect from a place of sharing, caring and learning. Again, it isn't about blame...it is about
learning how to ask for what we need in a loving way and learning how to better understand the needs of our mate.
Only from understanding can constructive actions take place.
KINDNESS:
Real Love can't exist when we are oblivious to the pain we are causing our mate. Too often we say we love our mate,
but we don't treat him or her very lovingly. We need to treat our mate as our best friend, and ultimately that's what he
or she will become.
CELEBRATION:
Real Love can't exist when we take the blessings of our union for granted. Celebrate daily the beauty our mate brings
into our life. A simple toast at dinner that says, "I love you. Thank you for being in my life." reminds us of the
sublime gift that our partner brings into our lives.
There you have it...a taste of what I consider to be the main ingredients of Real Love. I might add that while these
components may seem an obvious requirement for a healthy and fulfilling love, it is amazing how many of us don't see or
act on what is obvious. Many of these components are absent from the lives of many couples who claim to love one
another. Little do they know that, without these ingredients being integrated into their relationship, their love will suffer
greatly.
I have at times heard the erroneous concept that you shouldn't have to work on love. "If you have to work on it, it isn't
Real Love." I disagree. The reality is that we are all human beings who are very often run by the weakest and most
insecure part of who we are-are-our Lower Self. Our goal in a relationship is to learn how to rise to the most powerful
and loving part of who we are-are-our Higher Self. This takes time; it takes focus; it takes an open mind; and, most
importantly, it takes an understanding of what loving another person really means. If this understanding isn't there, very
often the relationship breaks down.
You can see that a diet of Real Love is a nourishing gift we give to ourselves and to our mate. And because we are all
human, we won't always get it right. As situations change in our lives, we have to keep fine-tuning. But as we focus on
our Higher Purpose, that of becoming a more loving person, we begin to understand the joy, satisfaction, peace and
caring that Real Love can bring. Heaven!
ETs Best Radio Comment:
This is the best explanation which I have read or heard about regarding the subject meaning of Real Love. I would go
on to say that this could be also classed as True Love. To get more information about this wonderful author go to her
website www.susanjeffers.com Thank you for taking time to read this and do study it, surely it will change your Real
Love life around. This is for both married and single people. If you think that you do not need it, think again, no one is
perfect as far as Real Love goes. ♥ ET is heard live on radio in Mexico and live on the Internet world
wide, talking about Real Life in English. Web link to listen on the Internet is www.etsbest.com as well as
interesting information on Mexico all in English. This is the only program in all of Mexico broadcasting in English. ET
♥